Bon voyage!

I set out for Self-Actualization Camp tomorrow with my mom but don't fret. If you act quickly, you can sign up for my Premier Pass Plus program!

What is the Premier Pass Plus program, you ask?

I'm glad you asked, Timmy. For just $24.95 a day, I will send you a text message and let you know every single ride I am going on, right before or after I go on it. In addition, I will keep you informed as to all my purchases and other extra-curricular activities.

If I'm buying a hat in the Japan Pavilion at EPCOT, you'll know about it!

If I'm in the hot tub at the Port Orleans Riverside hotel, you'll know it!

If I get one of those Mickey Ice Cream bars while I'm strolling down Main Street, U.S.A., I'll hit you up and tell you about it!

Think about it, for less than half of what it costs to spend a day in the parks, you'll get the full-on "Eric Filipkowski at Disneyworld" experience! What a bargain.

But act quickly cuz I'm only accepting ten applications for this innovative, new service. I'm not gonna spend my whole fucking vacation sending text messages to a bunch of assholes who can't even afford to go to Florida and spend a week in the world's greatest vacation resort, like me.

Interested parties may contact me at eric@hollywoodphony.com.